Honestly, I’m lost. I’m fed up. I’m tired. I don’t know the next step. I have the sledgehammer in my hand, but it won’t break through the concrete. Am I not hitting it hard enough? Am I not aiming it correctly? I’m more confused now than before.

I often wonder to myself, “Is this it? Am I doing this? How can I afford this or that?” I’m not loaded by a longshot, and I’m careful when it comes to spending money. Some outside helpers proved to be very expensive for my needs. I understand the job at hand. Maybe the unfinished project isn’t as bad as one thinks it is.

Maybe it’s better or needs a little adjustment to the tone of the piece. It’s like a jigsaw puzzle, and you’re trying to put the last piece of the puzzle together. And you do this with a little trial and error. I haven’t had a chance to research more options or outside help because last week I spent the entire week working and dealing with a nasty flu bug.

Round two of the flu this year is enough. Because of it, I missed the opportunity to check out some of the workshops available. Most are limited, and almost all are grossly expensive. I ask myself a question, “Should I do this and spend this money, but what if I don’t like this workshop?” Refunds are applicable if needed.

I know what I want to accomplish this year (hopefully in the next few months), and I know it will take a while to get there. Until then, I keep asking myself, “When does this get any easier?” When does life getting any easier? I would like to do anything without any worries of where’s my next paycheck coming, and will I have enough to cover expenses. And will I have enough in case the worse should come? Anxiety rears its ugly head every day and night. I will figure it out and turn things around for the good. I made the promise to myself.