A New Year, A New Me?

What is my goal this year?

The crowds are lined up in Times Square. Millions bundled up and many braving the elements. Excited folks eagerly await the new year while others are working the midnight oil. The constant onslaught of emergency personnel responding to call after call and the neverending shoot off of fireworks was more than my dogs, and I could bear. 11:59 pm approached and 60 seconds tick-tocked until a new year becomes official. Sixty seconds down to 10 seconds. Some hoping for a better year and change in their lives and others just want to party.

12:00 am on the dot. It’s New Years, a day that’s an excuse to get drunk and eat whatever you want because it’s a holiday. Some make resolutions for the next twelve months. I don’t. I focus on living one moment at a time. Every New Year’s, I ask myself, “What’s the goal this year?”

Most times, it’s the usual, “I don’t know.” Life is unpredictable and things don’t go your way. I take whatever card life throws in my direction. This New Years, I didn’t have much time for celebration because I wanted to close up shop early and quickly make my descent towards the comfy confines of home. I wanted to escape the hazardous drunken drivers out on the road and make it home safely with a lovely dense fog that makes driving harder for others. FYI, I almost ended the year with a broken leg. Almost. A simple trip over my own feet caused my lower body aka my leg to bend awkwardly. I saved myself. I didn’t want another burden to start the new year.

I get home to relax. I reflected on my last day of work for 2018, and I was ready to leave it behind. With Harvey (almost two years this summer) behind me, a domestic dispute and various other incidents witnessed at work, I said: “Goodbye 2017 and 2018 and don’t come back ever!” I wish I could say the same with my career.

I wish I could say, “Goodbye, it was nice knowing you.” I can’t, however, with my mental health. It’s a hard, crying shame. I go into each year depressed (oh well, when you have depression!), but with hope. A hope of something good to happen to me for once in my life. I’m looking for serious changes in my life. Changes including my career, hopefully, become an author, and maybe find a little heaven in the form of a companion. I know each change or request in my life requires hard work and effort on my part and learning how to distance myself from comfort zone. I’m trying to do things that scare me.

No more will I procrastinate, take the easy way out, no more living a life filled with disappointments and unfulfilled promises. I’ve learned to take baby steps every day and think positively. I need some patience and learn to walk first before running.

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