As the New Year approaches and Christmas is left behind, I look back at these path few months as a beginning of something. I admit writing comes naturally and inspiration comes at different times. I’m currently “unplugged” during my vacation. No contact from the outside world aside from closest ones. No internet and no cell phone usage. I’m focused on writing.

It’s day 4 and I wrote only one post. One post in 4 days. At this rate, success will be further and further away from my reach. Horrible isn’t it? I try to keep the faith in regards to get my book published. I will say that with the help of Grammarly and consistent free association writing, my writing has become better than the blog’s debut last summer.

I tend to write about what a subject that isn’t talked about hardly at all: mental health. Every time I look in a bookstore via person or online, I don’t see a lot of books that are relatable to me. Maybe I’m a little more complex or maybe I found my niche: writing about my struggles with mental health. People are reading this blog and will probably read the book. So why do I still feel like an absolute failure and a loser? A demon called depression. Nasty one isn’t it!

The words will come out. The story will be written, and the world will become more educated on a epidemic that’s too important to keep sweeping under the rug. I’m frustrated at looking for publishers, getting my story out, and finally doing something good for once in my life. I don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars to pay a publisher to publish a book. I think positive and hope for a miracle to come my way.

Writing is a tough business. There are some incredible stories out there that are unpublished like mine and some that have already been published. Some great stories get rejected one by one from publisher to the next. It’s like, “Thanks, but no thanks. We’ll pass. Good job, though.” One publisher slammed the door in my face, and another was somewhat interested. I wasn’t going to fork over hundreds of dollars that I don’t have only not to have it skimmed by an editor and not get published. I tend to think about what readers think when they read a book. What is the book about? Why did the author write this and what other books have this author been written? What makes the book a good read and makes others want to read it as well? A story needs a great idea, plot, a killer ending and it needs to be well constructed and written. I think about my favorite films and books and think about what made them so successful.

Self-publishing is the last resort. If I have to create and design the book myself, then I will have to do it. But will the message be clear once it’s published? Will it just sit there on the shelves in the clearance section or will it become a best-seller? Whatever the fate is, at least I did something and shared my story.