The words “Stormy Weekend” are an understatement as to how my weekend went. Friday, we saw a lovely winter storm, in this case, heavy flooding in Texas. I kept saying, “Rain, rain. Go away. Never come again.” I’ve never been affected by rain until Harvey. Every time it has rained since Harvey, I feel a disturbance inside me and not a good one.
It used to be snowstorms that would send my depression wild to the point of insanity. Since it’s been almost a decade since living in Texas, I’m starting to hate rain. Driving in the rain isn’t fun at all. Most people tend to drive either too slow or too fast during slippery roads. I had to tough it out and drive carefully home in my car; since I don’t have a kayak or boat to paddle home in.
The rain gave me some nightmares and since it’s been almost 15 months since Harvey; my brain doesn’t get the memo on moving onward from that tragedy. I don’t like when my brain refuses to corporate with me and relax.
Lately, I’ve been super paranoid about everything. I get paranoid every time someone sneezes or coughs. One day I dropped my medication on the floor at work, and I was hesistate to take it. Paranoia got the best of me and quickly assumed that if I consume it, then I would get sick. I didn’t. It was just my paranoia.
However, this weekend presented the most stress in my life. I enjoy running a business to a certain extent, but I think my tolerance for my job was tested this weekend. Both Saturday and Sunday (the busiest days of the week for most businesses), I had two different employees do a no call no show. Imagine the pure anger as I contacted the partners that failed to show up. I don’t hire employees so they can show up whenever they feel like it. Weekends are blackout days and partners aren’t allowed to play hooky on the busiest days. Schedules are done weeks in advance, so there’s no excuse unless a sudden emergency takes place.
On both days, I worked with a partner and myself all evening. Two of us running a billion dollar business with lines in and out the door. You can imagine the pure chaos of my weekend. I felt like I died and plunged straight to hell. I was so mad on so many levels. I was one step closer and saying, “I quit.”
I don’t know why I’m the most responsible employee at work, but I have zero tolerance for people that don’t take their jobs seriously like me. Imagine all the people inside and out screaming, “What’s taking so long?” You can repeat that over a million times or hang a sign saying, “We’re down a person, please wait patiently.” Nope, it was the complete opposite. Most people were so horrible and rude and very demanding. All they thought of was themselves. They didn’t care they my partner and I were tired, hungry, upset and had no bathroom or lunch breaks. I had a guy verbally abuse me, and I had to put him in his place by teaching him a humbling experience in patience.
It’s moments like this where I think I need to venture into a new field. I both love and loathe my job. However, I don’t have another job to fall back on and leave my current job. For now, I have to suck it up until something better comes my way. I keep the faith and sometimes wonder if I brought here to deal with unruly customers and their rudeness.
My mental health can only handle so much BS, and I need to keep my sanity in check. I want to start a writing career and write about things that I enjoy. I read a lot of books on creative writing and still wonder if college is still a good option or not. For now, I need to relax, think good thoughts and maybe things will finally go my way.