I’m in my car all buckled up. I’m going somewhere, but I keep driving in circles. I have some idea of where I want to go, but I feel clueless. Which road should I take next? Do I want to take this exit or the next one? I feel like I’m going through a mid-life crisis. Hilarious, one week into turning 35 and I’m not happy at all. I don’t have a career that I love anymore and don’t have something to fall back on.
I feel like I’m back in high school again. Over twenty years ago, I struggled with the question, “What are your plans for the future?” As an inexperienced teenager, I said I don’t know. As an adult, I still don’t know what I want to do for the rest of my life. I love writing. But who has the money to go back to school and spend another four years in college? Not me. I would like to go back to further my writing, but at the same time, I don’t want to.
I’m a logical thinker and doer. Life is expensive. School is costly. Owning a home, a car and having a family all cost money. Hard work does pay off when you set your mind to what you’re doing. I don’t have my mind set on retail anymore. After my losing my job three and a half years ago, I went to Starbucks only to help support myself. I thought it was a place that I would move on up and spend years working for. Now I don’t even want to do that at least not on a retail level. I think I’ve gotten so sick of dealing with too many obnoxious customers that I loathe going to work.
I also don’t love my work schedule and don’t foresee any changes with my career at Starbucks. I really have to make a choice. Either find a better career regarding writing or stay in a job that I hate. I’d rather sit in a quiet space either my den or a quiet library and just collect my thoughts and just write about anything. I could sit all day and just write until my brain says, “Writer’s block.”
It’s taken me almost six full months to write my memoirs with depression because of my full-time job, and from recovering my accident. I want to finish the book and get it published and focus on the next book. Maybe I will write a collection of essays or short stories as well. It’s hard to stay focused and write when you only have two days off and no vacation time left and are always on call because I’m a manager. I keep looking over my memoirs, and I’m very picky about it. There’s great stuff in there, but at the rate, I keep going I may be 40 until the book is finished. I also can’t believe my book is only 140 pages. It seems like a tiny book, but words and the story count the most. Maybe I’m just too hard on myself and my work.
I want to leave one career behind and focus on another one. My mental health would thank me if I changed jobs. I just need a little motivation and inspiration. It’s not impossible, but financially, I can’t afford to take a hit in pay because of everyday bills. I have to be patient and take it to step by step with a positive attitude.