Thanksgiving is the season of giving thanks for what we have. Too often, we forget what we do have and place that on the back burner. I am guilty of this every day. I shouldn’t complain about anything in my life, but I do. How each day or week keeps going by, and we’re now less than 18 months or so away from closing in on the second decade of this new millennium is beyond me. I don’t fully believe that I will be 35 in four days.
These past two years have been trying times since Harvey, a nice incident at my old store, and a partially healed hand; but I manage every day. I forget that I do have my health, a car, a home, and food in my stomach and a job. I’m still fat but losing weight takes effort. My car runs from point A to B just fine. I have a messy house, but still a roof over my head. Food that is in my stomach from working my butt off. And I still have a job. And my depression and mental health are better and more manageable. But why so unhappy?
A few things answer that question regarding my unhappiness. I live an average and quiet life like everyone else. I work every day and pay my bills. Pretty mundane, but freedom isn’t cheap. My job is to the point where I both love and loathe every minute of it. I love the company that I work for, but realize that I may never get promoted or move up into the corporate office. If I do, then my upper management promotion would take place at another location (possibly further away than my usual 5-minute commute) and if I completed the nine-month program; who says it will be worth it? You could do all the training and still not get promoted or have a store that needs a new manager. You pretty much waste almost an entire year of your life for nothing.
I’ve worked at many locations over four years, and I only enjoyed working at a couple of locations. I love working and meeting new people, but some people can be plain rude. My current store is busy, and most customers are impatient. Some regulars are really nice people, and others are something else. I’ve come to loathe certain customers that overly finicky with their orders and rude customers. Every day at work, I will encounter around 1000 people, and about 2% of them turn out to be real jerks. If you never worked retail, then you didn’t feel the pain.
Sundays are the most chaotic days to work and the worst day for anyone’s anxiety. Last Sunday was absolute hell on earth. That 2% of rude customers turned into about 80% of our customers. It was a busy, cold day. Everyone was out and needed caffeine. Our lines inside and out were out the door. Patience is a virtue. Everyone kept complaining about the wait and which order was theirs. The phone kept ringing, and one had the nerve to call from the drive-thru asking about the delay and why they had to wait so long. I just wanted to scream, “Will you f@&%ing chill. It’s coming. We’re short-handed and going as fast as possible.” People who are just plain rude, really make my mental health so bad. At home, my mental health is great. At work, it’s a living nightmare.
This is why I prefer to be by myself. I can’t stand why some are just rude to innocent people. Whining or throwing a tantrum gets you nowhere, just nasty looks from employees that are working their asses off. After work, my anxiety and mental well being suffered. If only others knew that their behavior causes more chaos for others. I can’t tell you how many times after work, my heart starts racing and I’m so angry and want to punch something. One guy set off my anger today by making an offensive joke that wasn’t even funny at all. He said, “Did you put poison in this?” I said, “Excuse me?!” He said, “I was joking.” I said, “You don’t joke about something like that. I deal with food and drinks and people’s health. If you think that I’m going to do that, then there’s something wrong with you.” I outright told him, “Is there something wrong with you?” I couldn’t believe that anyone would accuse me of that. And sadly, that’s not the first time someone has done that before.
It’s moments like this where I really have to question my career choice and why I stay in a field that I can’t stand anymore. A career that has inflicted so much chaos on my mental health. I can’t tell you how many moments in retail where I just wanted to scream or end it all. I should be grateful that I have a job, but I shouldn’t have to deal with people like that.
Writing always helps me clear my head. If only I could write for a living in peace and quiet and not have to deal the outside world, that would be nice. Wishful thinking doesn’t hurt. Again, I need to count my blessings and just to be thankful.