My words exactly as depicted above. I wonder if I truly will ever experience happiness again. Happiness is what you make of it. It’s a choice. A choice that I pick but it ends up getting lost in the mail because of depression. I did experience a little happiness by being completely over the flu now. And my birthday is fast approaching.

But why is it so hard to smile or enjoy those little victories when they become overshadowed by disobedient mind. The very mind that thinks the opposite of what it’s supposed to do: think positive. I don’t know why the brain doesn’t get the memo loud and clear. I’ve learned to stop questioning my brain. I can train it all I want to think and be positive and it will stay in a stagnant zone of depression.

I tried writing again for the first time in nine days. I was able to cough up about a couple of chapters and then…brain shutdown and computer shutdown, too. Luckily, my computer’s excuse was that the battery was low and needed to be re-charged. My brain has no excuse except for being useless when I need it to work. That’s OK. I have to try again.

At this rate, it will be years before I’m done. I just want to finish this project and move on to the next one. And make other changes in my life, too. I, too, want more out of life and experience more. However, good things come to those who wait. How long? Forever. I need to take things one step at a time and look on the bright side. I can finish a book and it will be sooner rather than later. All it takes is some willpower and determination. Did I forget a positive attitude? I need that, too, to succeed.