Brain Failure

brain

Why? My brain isn’t my best friend at all. When I need it to function, it refuses to co-operate with me. The last several days, I’ve been hard at work writing. I’ve written over fifteen chapters and eighty pages thus far and my brain isn’t functioning the way that I want it to. I drink a lot of caffeine (Could that be my problem?) to keep me awake and avoid falling asleep at the computer. I take breaks when my brain says “No more for now”. When I do take a break to refresh then it wants to start working for me. I’m on a break and now it’s in work mode.

Why does my brain do this to me? Writing has been therapeutic, but I will say there’s some stuff that is great stuff. I definitely feel like a professional writer in some ways. I get writer’s block. I get frustrated and have to restart the whole draft. I’m afraid that this project of mine might take a while to do. I fear it could take a year. When I’m not writing, I’m working long hours at the store or eating or sleeping.

Eventually, I will take my last vacation for the year and relax first, then put in more writing. I have an outline of what I’m writing and it isn’t that hard, I just need to structure it more and find my voice. I don’t want the book to sound too dark. Living with mental illness is pretty dark, but I want to portray it from a positive attitude or outlook. So here I sit at my computer just writing and thinking. My depression and anxiety were a little chaotic because some old stories from the past give me straight goosebumps and it’s scary reliving those moments.

I completely understand what professionals go through. I just want it to be done. I want to finally accomplish something more in my life and this book is by far one of the bravest things possible. I can get frustrated or panicky all I want. I just need to relax and let my story just flow right out of me. I need to be patient. It will all be worth it in the end.

This is me after a good 90 minutes of writing: (I’m sure this happens to the best of us?)

 

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