If only, others could understand this. Everyday I’m trying to stay healthy: eating healthier, sleeping more regularly, putting less stress on myself, exercising, and trying to be happy in a bad time in my life.

The eating habits are still healthier. Sleep has been a little tipsy turvy. Exercising is still non-existent until my hand is healed. Does getting out of bed count? Trying to be happy and slap a genuine happy face on my face? Yeah right. My face says no. Less stress? Again, yeah right.

PTSD is rough especially since this its third appearance in recent months. I’m really shocked that I’m not worse. Work always seems to trigger something in me: stress and anger. Any job is stressful. Mine seems to have a sign that says: “Feel free to be rude especially to the PTSD suffering manager.” Yesterday was busy. Happy Hour. Arguably, one of the most stressful times to be working. Picture yourself working Black Friday over and over again on that day. Hell sums it up.

Before it started, I was the helm at the drive thru and everyone was positioned in their space and was short-handed one staff member. A customer at drive thru said something that just set off my anger really bad. When he asked how I got hurt, I politely said: “I was in a bike accident and landed on concrete. Can happen to anyone.” His response was: “He said that is the whitest injury possible.” I said: “Excuse me? That’s a little off colored and extremely rude.” He said: “I’m just saying. That has never happened to me.”

OK. Thank you for making me extremely angry. So angry that I stormed off the floor and started to unleash profane language in the back. I just wanted to take everything off the shelf and let it fall. My partners ask what was wrong. I told them. I sat in the back for a while I cooled down. I experience enough abuse from customers everyday. This one went way too far. After I cooled down, the night went really fast and was really busy. At one point, we had a full lobby and drive thru. I always tell my partners to stay calm and reassure customers that give you the death stare and the can-you-hurry-up-with-my-drink stare to be patient. Some were patient and others complained like children. I said: “We’re going as fast as possible. We’re short-handed a person. I have a broken hand. So be patient and it’s coming.” Some stormed off and left. Again, patience is a virtue. You go during a business’s biggest sale, you will be waiting. It’s just life and the way it goes.

When 10pm hit, we closed those doors. I was able to let out a great scream and so did the fellow partners. No more stress. No more drinks. Our store was like a war zone. Garbage everywhere, the bars were a complete disaster. Sometimes I feel like I’m other people’s mother and I’m constantly picking up stuff.

Yesterday, started rehab on my hand. My removable cast was shaped and remolded to help me recover. The therapist shaped it so I can do “finger sit ups” and get those fingers including my ring and pinky finger moving. When your tendons and muscles become tight then cue the pain. When she was doing simple exercises, I almost screamed and threw up. That really hurt. I usually have a high threshold for pain, but OUCH. Next week, I go back and see how much longer I will be casted and how long I will be in therapy. Doctor visits like that are insanely expensive. I had to pay for co-pays and the costs for the cast. So much money that it makes me want to binge eat again. I did that last night. I plowed through my veggie plate with guacamole and had a slice of cake. This was at 11pm. Not the best time to be eating so much. Today, I’ll probably feels the affects of my eating by taking trips to the bathroom. For now, I just need to learn to relax, keep my cool, and not to do something stupid. Something stupid like leaving my headlights on for a few hours or binge eating at nights. I will get better. I just need to stay strong and will overcome.