Living in Pure Madness


So true it is. You think you’re having a bad day, try years worth of bad days. A bad day for me depends on how bad it is and how quickly I can get over it. For example, a customer at work will throw their little tantrum and complain about their coffee. All too common complaint. This I can handle and then move on. However, if that tantrum turns into something more and they insert their loud voice(s) then that’s where the old heart rate skyrockets and depression and anxiety kicks in full force. Just kill me with your attitude.

Every human makes mistakes. It’s called life and learning. I’ve made many a mistakes during my sixteen year tenure on the job and have seen some of the worst of the worst. One time, I had a guy yelled at me like a child because he had to wait for 15 minutes for his coffee. FYI, if you come when a business is at their busiest time then you’re waiting just like everyone else is or invest in mobile app and pay. He got out his managerial voice and said: “If this was my hotel business, I wouldn’t keep my customers waiting.” OK, first off, it’s Starbucks and secondly, it’s 7am. Don’t expect to be in and out there that fast especially in Houston or any other major city when people need their caffeine fix in order to function. His unnecessary tone and attitude not only damper the moods of me but also my entire staff. It truly takes one customer to bring down the whole mood and tone of the business.

Some instances like that, I will be mad for a while and then move on. Others like fights and outbursts in the cafe, drive thru or outside parking lot are crazy. Don’t ever stand there at the hand off plane and start snapping your fingers or constantly badgering for your drink. Every business has a playbook that involves routines to be followed. Everyone is stationed for a reason. If you have to wait, then you have to wait. I have to wait if I’m off duty and go somewhere. During the drive thru, I’ve had car crashes occur because people weren’t paying attention. My favorite are the ones that get into fights because someone will cut them in line because they are too lazy to come in and pick up their mobile order. Another one was a man was asking a question at drive thru about a certain drink and the car behind me started honking. He got out of his car and said: “I’m asking a question here. Is that legal?” The car behind him said: “Hurry the hell up, I’m late.” And I was waiting for someone to pull out a gun because after that smart remark, he got out and tried picking a fight. Not on my property, you’re not.

If that wasn’t enough, moving to a store in a less nicer area three months ago wasn’t fun. First off, the business is slower and some customers are just extra. I’ve never had seen people shoot up in my bathrooms, get drunk or pass out on my property, I’ve never had someone call the police from the store because a customer was being like a predator to her. The levels of chaos and stress are just one of crazy things that I’ve experienced in the last two years. This chaos sums up just this summer alone.

In April, I witnessed a stabbing outside my old store and that was nice. My depression took it well. Yeah right! Constant nightmares, migraine headaches so bad that I went to urgent care, my weight skyrocketed, my sleep went AWOL on me. All in all, PTSD reared its ugly head again. Again, this isn’t the worst thing that I’ve seen before. One time in traffic, someone pulled a gun in my face because they thought that I was honking at them, but it was the car next to me. That also made my depression more pleasant to live with. Yeah right!

Probably one of the worst stressors outside of work was Hurricane Harvey. Anyone who lived through this with me, I hated it. I wouldn’t recommend bad weather to anyone. I don’t control what Mother Nature decides to do or not to do; but someone really pissed her off badly. Because now, there’s another major hurricane a brewing in the Carolinas and guess what? I have family there. So guess which direction my depression is heading? In hell. I worry because I’ve been through it and lived through the aftermath and it’s no fun at all.

Just recently, we’ve been experiencing a lot of wet weather and some areas look like Harvey all over again. Cue the nightmares and flashbacks. 2017 is a year that I wish I could erase along with this year, but I can’t. I just have to take it one day at a time. Easier said that done.

Any time that someone in my store will say: “Boy, what a day.” I will say: “Try having two rough years and living with depression for 25 years.” My day outdoes yours times a billion. For non-sufferers, they don’t know the struggle and how your life has changed in so many ways. I’ve never dealt with anything such as weight issues, sleeping issues, constant sadness, anger, and so on. The worst part about it is that most don’t get it. I’ve had people tell me to “Snap out of it” or “Try putting on a happy face.” That last one is my boss’s favorite thing to mock me with. And it’s like try stepping into my shoes for a day and see how it feels.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s