Darkness falls and the lights are turned off. I lay my head down in the dark and cry. It’s one of those days, I guess. Yesterday’s post took a lot out of me and it affected me so much. Remember, I write this posts about my experiences from my own insights. Everyone’s view is different. But this is what I know.
I struggle on a daily basis with depression. And talking about a very personal story about my mother is always hard. I still don’t know the entire story about her. I did emphasize that. I didn’t mention names for out of protection and privacy of others. But it hurts sometimes when you share your point of view and sometimes gets bashed by someone else. We’re all human and we make mistakes.
I didn’t bend the truth at all. This is from my view and what I was told. But not knowing more about my mother and her family is hard. It would probably put so much into perspective for me. I could understand what happened. I could understand where I got this disease from. But my mother doesn’t talk about it. If I were to get a disease such as diabetes or something and if it’s hereditary and is on one side and I didn’t know this, then I will say: “Where did this come from?”
This is why communication is very important in any relationship. I realize that some things are harder to talk about than others, but secrets eat away at you. The reason that I started this blog was to educate others on the awareness of mental health and how important it is. Why should communicating about bad times be kept in the dark? Why talk about just good times?
For me, I talk to close people about my struggles and things on my mind. It’s nice to have a friendly ear that’s there for you. Just recently, I spoke with several people on Facebook about troubles they have going on their lives. I completely understand to a tee when it comes to troubles. This again is the reason for this blog. So we can share each other experiences with no fear and no judgement. No one here is discriminating or stigmatizing others about your struggles and mine. I ban and all negativity from the site and from social media accounts. If you don’t know what it’s like for us sufferers, than it’s better to leave things unsaid.
Remind you that I’ve had 25 years of experience dealing with the Triple Threat Disease and I have so many days of good and bad. There are days where I want to do anything that I want. The sky’s the limit. On bad days, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I just want to be alone sometimes and not deal with the outside world. Anything that you’ve experienced, I’ve been there. With the exception of children, I can’t relate on that. But I can lend you an ear and offer support.
Today is just one of those days. I do have to work today and I will go even though my mood is unwell. I can fake it and put a happy face. In customer service, you have to be friendly and all smiles. I know, it’s tough. But I do my job. The attitude and the mood gets checked at the door. I may let out a good scream or cry today, but I will survive. I always do. It’s hard living like this, but where’s the challenge in living when life is easy?
But the good news is that I ordered the bracelets. They will be shipped today or Monday and I will send them to you right away with your address. Just remember to email me your address on my email firstname.lastname@example.org. I will tell you the total and also confirm your order. PayPal is something that I’ve looked into and I just need to get someone at PayPal or IT to get it set up and make life easier.
Today, may bring clouds with periodic downpours. But as Gloria Gaynor said: “I will survive.”