The Stalker

Every breath you take and every move you make
Every bond you break, every step you take
I’ll be watchin’ you
Every single day and every word you say
Every game you play, every night you stay
I’ll be watchin’ you
Oh, can’t you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches
With every step you take
Every move you make and every vow you break
Every smile you fake, every claim you stake
I’ll be watchin’ you (Sung by Police with the legendary Sting)

The Triple Threat Disease just released their newest hit single called “Every Breath You Take.” It’s hilarious how this song is classified as a love song per say, but it’s really a stalker’s anthem. For me, every time that I hear this song on my classic rock station, it gives me the shivers.

If you listen to the lyrics closely: “Every move you make, Every step you take, I’ll be watching you.” Anyone living with inner demons can identify with this. Every night and day, I’m constantly stalked and vicious assaulted by demons. Remember that medication goes so far, it’s yourself that needs to help fight those inner demons or stalkers.

I usually put on my suit of armor and start firing bullets one after another to kill those demons. Sometimes, it works and sometimes it’s no good. Especially, when you are at work and your under the gun with stress, here comes….the Wicked Witch of West saying: “I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog, too.”

Everyday can be a struggle. Last few nights, I have been waiting patiently for my sleep results and it’s been driving me insane. Cue the big bad wolf or demon or stalker (whatever you call your inner pain!). My sleeping habits have been awful. When I go to lay down to sleep at night (this is where anxiety loves to torture you!) and you can’t because your mind is racing so fast. Imagine Dale Jr. (before he retired) racing his race car inside your head over and over again. Really annoying isn’t?

Some days, I just want to strangle my inner stalker and squash it into an oblivion. Easier said than done. Some days, that stalker tends to overpower me and I feel powerless and can’t fight. This morning, I was so sleep deprived that getting out of bed was a challenge. Taking the dogs out was even more challenging. But we all have those days.

But remember warriors aren’t born, they’re made. It takes a while to become one. It took me over 34 years to become an official one. We all experiences so many things in our lives and it really shapes us into the people we are today. It’s kind of like a surprise pop quiz that your teacher would give to you in class. This what life feels like to me.

What really inspires me is that my father will read the blog and again, he doesn’t suffer from mental illness, but he’s amazed at the journey that I’ve been on. He called me his “Brave Warrior.” That made me feel great. A nice boost of encouragement that I need during stressful times.

Everyday brings new challenges and tests that it almost feels like being back in school again. I don’t know why? But it does. How you handle these challenges or tests will depend on you. I can sit back and let it overpower me or do something about it. Keeping my mind busy and working on projects keeps me focused and less on what’s going on in my brain.

 

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