Loving my flawed self!

be you

This is definitely an inspirational quote that I need to look at every day. When I look in the mirror, I sometimes don’t like what I see and nor will I spend a lot of time staring at the woman in the who’s staring back at me in the mirror. Everyone wishes they could change something about themselves. Sometimes we wish we all had a magical wand and wished we had better looks, a better body, more money in our bank account, a better house, and etc. For me, I don’t always feel beautiful when I’m down in the dumps. (Depression and also insecurity will cause me to feel this way!) Yes, I wish that my body was better in shape and wished I had more money and a better house. But instead of wishing, I just go out and make it happen. No one is going to hand you anything in this life and no one shouldn’t. You have to earn your own way in this world. You make your own destiny. You should be proud of what you accomplish in your life and how hard you worked to get there.

Sometimes, I forget that inspiration and begin to hate myself. I loathe it when people flaunt their bodies like this:


Don’t get me wrong, I love the original supermodel (Cindy Crawford), but I don’t even look nearly as close as she does. I don’t have a modeling contract (nor would I care to have one), I don’t have her money (again, don’t want it), and my body isn’t even in tone like hers (I wish!). She looks absolutely perfect and flawless in those pictures. Probably not one ounce of fat or cellulite exists on that body. And mine, I have stretch marks and cellulite that make me scream in pure horror every time I change clothes in the morning. (It’s called being overweight!) I don’t have the boobs, the thick butt or the voluptuous body that most (not all!) men find so attractive.

I’m what you would call a “Plain Jane.” I have a normal body just everyone else does and I don’t really have any outstanding features unless you count my glasses. I always get complimented for my glasses. And I have a baby face too, so people always get my age wrong every time. Not that looking younger is a bad thing, but I don’t like to be referred to as a teenager or a millennial as they’re called nowadays. Typically, when I’m around guys or venture out in public, I blend in the crowd. Remember, I’m no Cindy Crawford. And it’s very upsetting when guys will turn the other cheek and not even say “Hello” to me. I’m pretty timid, however, I can still start a conversation. But to judge me before you even introduce yourself to me is wrong.

Honestly, you won’t see me wear makeup. I feel more self-confident without it. If you don’t like than that’s tough. I don’t do selfies. You won’t see me on social media everyday like the Kardashians posing for numerous selfies every single day. I can’t stand that. A picture of myself is fine once in a while, but every damn day; NO! You probably won’t see me in a club because I’m way past that age of drinking and partying. (Doesn’t mean that I don’t have fun!) That kind of fun isn’t fun anymore because I’m more grown up than I was at 21 and at 25.

What irritates me the most is that most guys that I’ve encountered will say: “You’re not like the other girls. Why don’t you do this or that? You are not my type. I don’t like you.” You may as well just go straight to hell for being a jerk and for calling me ugly. To say things like to me because I don’t look like a model is sickening. It doesn’t help when social media even Hollywood makes it the norm for people to “look ageless and have the perfect body.” I hate this. It sends the wrong message to everyone. Nobody looks the same. We are all different people with different backgrounds. And we are all flawed, too. We’re not perfect. Never have and never will be. I can get so unhappy when I see people together in a relationship and wished that I had someone to lean on. Relationships are complicated and not always fun, but being lonely is a lot tougher. I can’t tell you how upsetting it is to see people that I know find their “soulmates” and settle down and start a family and here I am stuck at the drawing board. But it is better to have loved and lost, then to not love at all. Remember that quote! It’s true.

My feelings have been hurt many a times by people and it’s just the way life is. I accept the way I look. But what I don’t accept is people not treating me fairly or showing a little respect. I respect everyone and I respect their way of life. My philosophy is “Don’t judge a book by its cover before opening it. Live the life that you want to live without judgement. Whatever floats your boat.” Some days, I’m not happy to look down at my “spare tires or love handles” and my “cellulite” on my body, but our imperfections make us who we are. Throughout my life, all of the wrongs in my life and even the good ones have shaped me into the person that I am now. And if other people can’t see what’s inside of me, see me the way I see myself, and really get to know me; then it’s your loss. One day, I just wish that I could meet someone who accepts and loves me for who I am both on the inside and outside. A nice person who completely who I can completely trust and live a life with in happiness. That’s not asking for a lot isn’t it? There are things that I don’t like about myself like living with depression and being an introvert, but I can’t change that. I can try to be more extroverted but live depression-free, I wish. But the point is, love yourself and your imperfections. So what, if you’re not the pretty like Cindy Crawford. I really don’t care. I find myself pretty beautiful and I’m learning to my love my (spare tires!) overweight self. Just be you and nothing more!




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